Dear Low Fat Buttermilk On Park Bench,
Congratulations! You've been named 'Most Mysterious Piece Of Litter 2006'. Beating out such tough competition as 'Eye Patch On Apartment Rooftop', 'Used Condom At Go-Kart Track' and 'Fake Mustache In Synagogue Kitchen', your totally unnatural location left our judging panel truly, utterly stumped.
Some of their theories regarding your nonsensical placement:
"Someone had a pancake party while walking their dog."
"A bum was so drunk he thought the milk was Windex."
"It fell out of a plane like that Coke bottle in The Gods Must Be Crazy."
"The milk is sour and smells horrendous. Some chick who loves the bench placed it there so people wouldn't steal her seat."
"One word: Photoshop."
At the end of the day, however, none of these theories really made any sense. And so, with the utmost respect, we laid down our detective caps and bestowed this truly magnificent honor upon you. Well done, Low Fat Buttermilk On Park Bench. You've created a mystery of unmatched fortitude.
Sincerely,
The Rhetorical Letter Writer
---
Photo Submitted By Black Sharpie
posted by The Rhetorical Letter Writer at 11:58 AM
5 Comments:
Dear Rhetorical Letter Writer...
Yeah, you like that shot of me sitting on the bench, huh?
My buddy Mike K. took that shot. he's a pint of cottage cheese.
We're going to release a coffee table book in May 2006. Random House is publishing.
Check it out.
It's called Dairy Products Don't Belong in the Sun.
There's a shot of plain yogurt in there that will freak you out. Totally looks like spooge.
But, I'm glad you like the shot of me on the bench.
And thanks for spreading the word about the book.
Again, it should be out in May 2006.
-Low Fat Butter Milk on Park Bench.
Jeez... this carton of buttermilk has a book coming out in 3 months, but it's already acting spoiled.
Which Synagogue kitchen? I'd like to have my moustache back if I could. I already found my sould patch over at the Greek Orthodox church.
Hhhmmmmm.....maybe a madly in love couple went to the grocery store to buy condoms and they bought some milk too (but the store had run out of regular milk so they bought that shit). And on the walk home through the park they got a little freaky and fucked on the park bench....they used the buttermilk as lube.
Post a Comment
<< Home