Dear Roosters,
I feel extremely awkward bringing this up, but something must be said. My kettle has boiled. You've been getting away with verbal murder, and it's time for the killing to stop.
Perhaps you don't even realize it, but the wake-up call you bellow each morning ("cock-a-doodle-doo") is, in a nutshell, extraordinarily crass. To you it may sound like a bunch of malarkey, but to the ears of a human, it basically translates as "penis-a-doodle-shit."
That's right, dear roosters. "Cock"? Synonym for a man's private organ. "Doo"? Synonym for the odorous waste that exits one's behind. Truth be told, when you scream "cock-a-doodle-doo", you may as well be screaming "dick-a-doodle-feces", or "wiener-a-doodle-crap", or, dare I say it, "schlong-a-doodle-chocolate log".
I won't hold decades of potty mouth against you. I'll give your birdbrained ignorance the benefit of doubt. All I ask is that you squawk amongst yourselves and come up with a new phrase to replace the aforementioned dirty one. Enough with the friggin' foul fowl mouth, you dig?
Sincerely,
The Rhetorical Letter Writer
posted by The Rhetorical Letter Writer at 11:11 PM
6 Comments:
Dear RLR,
Great to see you still here. I thought for sure you were dead or something.
No need to respond to this comment.
Rhetorically yours
Thanks for giving me a new way to procrastinate.
Nice to see you back
helen
How numb can a person be? Roosters don't give a damn what you think... it's like talking to a brick wall! Why even bother telling them that... did you think they were listening to you? Jeez. Anyway everyone should buy stock in my tuna melt business! Talkin' bout tuna melts toona melts what what! Toona melts tuna melts what what!
Great, I go on hiatus and you finally come back.
You were sorely missed on the Internet and in general.
It took you 4 months to come up with this entry? Hmmm, guess you save the good stuff for super bowl ads. Glad to see you back to it. Let's get those pun muscles working again.
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